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Israeli Pirates Attack Humanitarian Aid Ships in International Waters *PARODY...sort of*

Nine Martyrs Dead, Many Hostages Still Held - Second Attack in a Week - International Outcry!
 
For the second time this week, heavily armed pirates from Israel have captured a legally registered humanitarian aid ship in route to Gaza City. Today, the MV Rachel Corrie was captured in a bold daylight raid. This came unexpectedly, as the pirates are cowards, and previously used the cover of darkness to hide their barbarous acts.
 
Six days earlier, the Mavi Marmara was stormed in the middle of the night. While the humanitarian aid workers slept, the pirates attacked the ship, killing at least nine people. They then hijacked the ship, its cargo of medical supplies and food, and took its passengers hostage. Many hostages were eventually released, but there are many reports of severe beatings and tasering to the humanitarian workers who escaped being shot in the head, face and back MULTIPLE TIMES. The aids workers were unable to defend themselves with their "weapons" of butter knives, walking canes and can openers. These deadly items proved no match for the Uzi wielding pirates, all believed to be Israeli passport holders. "I smeared some of my Preparation-H into the eyes of one of the pirates", said an 89 year old passenger from England. "Didn't stop him much, but it did tighten up his face and make his eyes even beadier and nose appear bigger." 
 
It is unclear what cargo the pirates had hoped to find on these ships. Survivors said these marauders of the sea demanded their gefilte fish and weapons of mass destruction, only to find the most powerful weapon on board the boat was the love these brave volunteers have for their fellow man.
 
It is reported, but unconfirmed, that the pirates took a brief break from their murder spree to sacrifice a rat on the aft deck to their god, Baal. The only infant on board had been considered to be used in the sacrifice, but it is believed their religion prohibits sacrificing a living creature with testicles bigger than theirs.
 
Stay tuned for more breaking news about this two thousand year old ongoing story...
 
 
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Submitted by pandora on Sat, 2010-06-05 16:37

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